Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
