If i come over, it means nothing
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
