My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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