I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
