We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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