8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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