Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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