Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
