Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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