dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
