you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I can't trust your balls anymore.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize