seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
