Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point đź’ś
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
