Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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