Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
