You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
