I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I checked into jail on foursquare
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
