woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
