Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize