Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
