well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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