they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
porn star boner night. come get it.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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