i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
