WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He keeps bees of course he's weird
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
