dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
We have started to decorate penises.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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