hell yes lets make some ravioli
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
