yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
