He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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