You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
