i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
