You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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