We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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