We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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