the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
