just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
