What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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