Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
