Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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