if i can run in heels then i can drive
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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