Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Boobs are out for the taking
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
