A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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