If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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