i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize