but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
