Umm I'm too high to move.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
