apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
