Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I just gargled with NyQuil
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
