Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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