Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
