Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
