Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize