it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
she told me i tasted like america
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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