Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
you never un-have a 4some
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
