One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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