Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Life without a bra equals bliss.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
