Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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