You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
