i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
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