next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize