his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
