you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
