You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I just gargled with NyQuil
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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