At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Farmville is her only friend.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. š
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Heās older
Like āhas a job and pays his billsā older or āstill watches porn on DVD because he canāt figure out the Internetā older?
Randomize