i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
