i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
