Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Operation Purity has been aborted
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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