So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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