any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I think my nap took me to another dimension
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
