He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
